Not shakes like some organic fruit milkshakes someone read about on Pinterest that makes for an engaging and also healthy snow day creative family activity.  I’m talking about just the mention of a snowstorm and I start to get the shakes because it brings back the trauma of last winter’s back to back (to back to back….) snow days multiple weeks in a row.  I have snow day PTSD.  The memories all started flooding back when we were gleefully immersed in another episode of Sons of Anarchy and the phone rings at 9PM on Sunday night with that generic Hoboken number that I know so well.  It’s the Hoboken recorded message that drops the bombs.  Even at first sight of the number I hold up the phone and start screaming at it.  Then I hold it to my ear and hear the lame, cop-out, quitter attitude recording about early dismissal the next day.  Screw you recording.  I still hate you from last year.

Once we got bombarded with impending snowmaggedon warnings and early dismissal messages, I was certain of 2 things:

1. I’m bolting to Target after a mandatory spin class (who knows when I’ll have the opportunity to burn calories again), and

2. I need to text the downstairs pregnant neighbor who regularly takes a broomstick to her ceiling when our kids exert any energy that creates noise and tell her we are going to be snowed in so buckle up.  (Ok, we probably do suck as upstairs neighbors but you are having a kid soon so welcome to the club honey).

As soon as I get out of class, I call another mom who I know headed to Target before me.  I needed to know if all the incredible snow day activities that completely occupy children for hours on end, allowing them to play independently but also share perfectly without any adult intervention, were still on the shelves.  She said, good news there’s still plenty of crap to waste my money on.  Excellent.  I hear her say something about some “launch and load…$5…color a plane…fly a plane….”  I cut her off immediately and tell her “I want it!!!  How many are there?  Where is it?”  She immediately takes a picture of the aisle it’s in and a picture of the actual item so I can find it as soon as I get there.  Now THAT’S a friend.

I’m not getting in anyone’s way here.  I’m not after your flashlights, batteries, non-perishable food items, other survival items good to have on hand in case of a multiple-day snow-in with no power.  See ya.  I’ll be in the toy aisle.  That’s right.  I’m hitting the $1 bins, the $5 bins, the arts and crafts aisle, even the birthday party aisle…

Here’s what I gather in the first few aisles:

Yes, that’s a life-size Sponge Bob coloring book (18 poster size pages), as well as:

• a Sponge Bob Coloring and Activity book
• Sponge Bob Valentines (notice a theme?)  Stay tuned for an entire separate post just on picking Valentines.  I almost hung myself right there in the store.  Like I said, stay tuned.
• The Load n Launch obviously!
• some random “Color Surprise” kit (who knows but it was next to the Load n Launch)
• The NFL Rush Zone board game.  I’m certain this is complete crap like the other similar mini version of it that we already have (I wasn’t deterred)
• What are those random colorful things at the bottom there?  Spinny tops of course!  And also some rubbery bracelets assorted colors, and some eyeball rings assorted colors.  Why?  The sponge bob Valentine’s are so cheap and terrible that I felt I needed to supplement with these equally crap $1 birthday aisle items to bulk it up a bit.

Is that all I got?  Um, no.  I made it over to food and grabbed Pirate’s Booty and marshmallows.  I needed to take a picture just to show that they are clearance 90 cent French Vanilla “SnowmanMallows.”  Yes, that’s right.

 

After the slowest cashier to ever work a register since the first person to ever use a register the very first day registers were used, I had just enough time to get home, hide all my super awesome, save me from the next few days (potentially) of snow day hell goodies, and grab the kiddos to begin our first early dismissal for the winter season (I love my kids and yes I have fun with them sometimes when it’s not snowing enough to cancel school).

Oh wait, what’s that?  Oh hello Hoboken recording.  Shove it.  I already knew you were canceling school tomorrow and I don’t care because I already went to Target and got the essentials.  Unless you have the eggs, milk, and bread that I didn’t get, stop calling me.